Gentle Parenting When You Weren’t Raised That Way

Choosing a gentle parenting approach can feel deeply meaningful—but also deeply challenging, especially if you weren’t raised with the same kind of empathy, patience, or respect you’re now trying to offer your own child.

Maybe you’ve committed to parenting without yelling, fear, or harsh punishments—but some days you find yourself triggered, overwhelmed, or repeating patterns you swore you’d never repeat. If that’s you, you’re not alone. Reparenting yourself while parenting your children is one of the hardest and holiest things you can do.

What Is Gentle Parenting?

Gentle parenting is an approach built on empathy, connection, boundaries, and respect. It doesn’t mean permissiveness or letting your child “rule the house.” It means:

    •    Seeing behaviour as communication

    •    Holding boundaries with compassion, not control

    •    Regulating yourself so you can help your child regulate too

    •    Teaching, modelling, and guiding rather than punishing

    •    Repairing after rupture, and seeing mistakes as learning moments

It’s a beautiful model of parenting—but when it wasn’t modelled for you, it can stir up a lot of emotion.

Why It Feels So Hard (Especially in Stressful Moments)

If you were raised in a home where big feelings were punished, obedience was prioritised over understanding, or love was conditional, gentle parenting may feel unnatural at first.

You might:

    •    Get flooded by your child’s big emotions because no one held space for yours

    •    Hear a voice in your head saying, “They need to be taught a lesson”

    •    Feel pressure to be the perfect gentle parent—and spiral into shame when you lose your cool

    •    Wonder if you’re being too soft or “not parenting properly” because it doesn’t match what you knew

This isn’t a sign you’re failing. It’s a sign you’re healing.

What You’re Really Doing: Breaking Cycles

Every time you pause instead of yell…

Every time you choose connection over control…

Every time you apologise to your child after reacting harshly…

You’re not just parenting differently. You’re rewriting the story.

You’re showing your child that it’s safe to feel, to be imperfect, to repair, to be loved without fear. That matters. Even when you don’t do it perfectly (because no one does), your effort is planting seeds of security and self-worth that will grow for generations.

Gentle Parenting Doesn’t Mean You Have to Be Gentle All the Time

You’re human. You will get triggered. You will have days when your nervous system is frayed. Gentle parenting is not about perfection—it’s about repair.

When you yell, snap, or react in ways you regret, you can model something powerful:

“I got overwhelmed and raised my voice. That wasn’t okay. I’m sorry. I love you, and I’m working on managing my feelings better.”

That kind of repair teaches children emotional responsibility, humility, and the strength of safe relationships. That’s the real heart of gentle parenting.

Tips for Gentle Parenting When It Wasn’t Modelled for You

1. Pause and Breathe Before You React

When your child is melting down, your body might interpret it as danger. Breathe. Step away if you need to. Regulate yourself before responding.

2. Reparent Yourself Along the Way

Notice when your inner child is triggered. Ask, “What did I need in moments like this? How can I offer that now—to myself and my child?”

3. Learn New Tools Gradually

You don’t have to have it all figured out. Read, listen to podcasts, talk to other parents. But give yourself permission to grow slowly.

4. Surround Yourself with Support

You weren’t meant to do this alone. Find a counsellor, community, or parenting group that aligns with your values and encourages your growth.

5. Celebrate the Small Wins

Every time you respond with patience, stay curious instead of critical, or offer a calm boundary—you’re doing something extraordinary.

You’re the Cycle Breaker

You may be the first in your family line to try parenting with gentleness, emotional safety, and presence. That’s no small thing. It’s brave. It’s beautiful. And it’s okay if it’s also exhausting and messy at times.

At Sound Mind Counselling and Family Therapies, we support parents navigating the emotional weight of raising children differently than they were raised. Whether you’re working through your own childhood wounds or simply needing tools for gentler connection, you are welcome here.

Book a session today and let us walk with you as you parent with purpose, healing, and hope.